Mom and I, circa 1989. This is the capilla that was built outside, in front of our home, for the Jesus tortilla.

Today was a tough day, personally. I knew it would be as soon as I woke up this morning. Periodically, I can sense when I will have days like this and I’m able to manage it. Then I wonder,

Is this what mom felt back then?  

Although I generally have a cheerful disposition and try to exhume positive energy into the world, there are days like today, that make those characteristics and feelings almost impossible.

Is this what mom felt back then?  

When I found this picture this morning, I realized that I don’t remember those days in which I’m pictured with my mom and the tortilla.  In fact, I’m beginning to realize that perhaps I’m not supposed to remember those days because if they were tough on my mom, they must have been tough on me as well.

Days like today are a constant reminder of what depression may have felt like for my mom back then.  I could be wrong. Last time I checked, I was not a doctor. Maybe people do have off days. This afternoon, I went out and bought some books to read. That always helps. Tonight, I went out to see a movie alone, which is one of my favorite things to do.

I have outlets. My mom did not.

As I end the evening writing this post, I can’t help but stare at the young girl pictured above, wearing that pink dress, blue and white pin striped horizontal stripes above the waist and blue and white pin striped vertical stripes below the waist.

That I do remember.

You can only see the back of my head, looking directly at my mom. My mom’s expression is perhaps a clue to how low she must have been feeling on that particular day.  There I am, such a young kid, staring at her and wanting to take care of her.